Healthy Eating

I was told by a server at the hospital cafeteria today that I "eat healthy," and there was not a hint of irony in her voice. I was nonplussed and finally settled on a thank-you even though I was certain she was mistaken. When people tell you something you are supposed to interpret as a compliment, the painless response is to thank them and avoid a polite rebuttal. And besides, I now know that at least one person in the world thinks my diet is exemplary. Now I can marshal evidence against those who think otherwise.

To support her assertion, she stated that I thought hard about what I want to eat and took time to make a decision. What she forgot to mention is that this decision is often between a hamburger or slice of pizza. Perhaps I conceal such choices by throwing in a side of carrots or broccoli.

After my exchange with the cafeteria lady, I began to brainstorm the numerous conclusions I could make about her compliment. Here are the most probable:

1. Ms. X has paid no attention whatsoever to what I've been ordering the past few days.

2. One of us is grossly mistaken about the definition of "healthy."

3. In an act of culinary sabotage, the FDA has completely inverted the food pyramid, rendering my eating habits healthy.

I would like to believe #3 simply because it's so scandalous, but in all likelihood, #1 is more rooted in reality.